Lea (keepdreaming) wrote,

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I guess thats the way it always ends....

right, so...jessica made me a CD with that puddle of Mudd song on it...and i love it. =) john was being a lil butt momma 2nite! hahahahahahahahahahahha but thats iight. anyways, today was pretty cool. (oh YA jessica is right here cause shes spending the night cause..her mom is cool and she gets to miss skool) i went shopping, got a couple shirts, bought some candy, took a shower..had lunch. so all in all today was good. haa haa RICE! but then, i went to see mah great grandma....its really depressing going over there. i love her so much, its kinda hard to explain. see, i used to take care of her when i went to year round school..and so, yeah. i used to stay at her house with her. we spent so much time together. its so hard seeing her go through what she does. i mean, i know she cant tell in her mind shes ok i guess..but everyone around her can. and i miss the old her. ALOT. shes so beautiful. and in her world..shes ok.... but thats only in her mind. Usually when i go to see her, she knows who i am. today, she didnt. its so hard to hear that. i wanted to cry right then. but, hey, i gotta stay strong, right? i need to keep up that "strong" act so people dont think im a little wussy girl. Keep laughing,make Jokes out of eveything..dont ever get sad..stay happy...good grades...keep smiling...excercise...dont get upset...dont worry about anything but school...mom...dad...moms wedding...charles...lyn...sisters..brother...friends...keep smiling..dont be sad...smile... i cant take that stupid fake act, and all the things that come along with it. people have no idea. "its gona be OK lea" "keep smiling, lea" i dont know, its all so fake. its all really strange cause...i duno nevermind. nobody would really understand. thats why i have this Journal. to let things out. but i duno how much longer i can keep it all inside. its all staying bottled up in here..... any advice?
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